30 days - here we go...

18 JAN 2018

Woke up tired. While I was so wasted last night, after being woken up just as I fell asleep about five times, I was fully awake and couldn’t sleep. Kind of thinking it was more the ‘have to get sleep otherwise might not get any sleep’ combined with ‘I’ve got this great idea’ then I start planning, that one happens quite a lot to me.

Was burping so much though since waking up. Thought here we go again. Carried on for few hours then somehow settled. Had half a banana for brekky, was feeling hungry but after that felt very full.

A few times in the morning could feel myself getting hungry, but after having some water would feel ok. Forgot water bottle so had to use a cup and was very busy so couldn’t really carry that around with me. Had some blueberries and a coffee for morning tea.

Lunch was courgettes with chicken and ended up having a piece of cheese because just thought ‘I feel like that and there is nothing unhealthy about that’ so ate it.

Got home and was feeling so tired, both sleepy and physically. Had a glass of water and felt energized enough to go to the gym, really needed some motivation especially after the holiday of doing nothing. I noticed anything my eyes saw, my brain was like ‘eat that’ it was annoying because I normally don’t eat that sort of junk food in general so thankfully I was able to reason, I don’t even like that, what a waste of tummy space. Went hard, 30m on the rower 4.7km. That’s was my normal before injuring my ankle beginning of December. Just kind of went downhill from there and especially with the holiday of doing nothing, kind of lost grips so it was really awesome being able to do that. After that I just had the feeling of really missing all the chewing and often having the taste of something on my tongue. I remembered I had some extra so had two pieces of that. Phew! Did the trick.

Ended up having two handfuls of nuts and raisins and a cup of tea, then about an hour later had some blueberries. Was feeling hungry-ish about 10pm but after having some water was fine.

I started talking to hubby about something then noticed I had actually been speaking for ages without interruption, had covered a few topics and was speaking really fast. I normally only do that when I have had too much dark chocolate. When I realised that, thought I’d better reel it back in and slow down.

Finishing off with an Herbal Tea right now.

Thoughts: I’m not really experiencing all the high pace, no sleeping, anxiety stuff I have read, accept I was wondering if all that talking just a while ago was something to do with it. I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have read other experiences because I’ve found myself overthinking things like ‘is this it… is this it… is this what they’re talking about… well most say this happened… is that going to happen to me… maybe this is it…’

Hey there! Two first day went quite active for you and, seems to me, they were also quite hungry for you. I mean, you don’t eat enough and soon your body will be processing your muscles, and you will see a weight loss, but this is not the weight loss that you need. I know that you don’t feel hungry (but you do at times). You have to give fuel to your body, especially since you exercise.

Yep, that fast talking might be Duromine, and you are probably right that you might be trying to find signs that would show the effect of Duromine after you read the stories, but it’s ok. If you can’t make yourself “unfocus” on them, you will be fine. =) Applause on being so mindful of where your mind wanted to take and refusing to fall into having bad foods. That is an important step, and I hope that you can stick to this attitude.

All in all, please, review your nutrition, so that your body has enough good stuff to work on instead of “chewing” the good stuff inside your body. Could you please provide your weight-height and goal weight?

Good luck to you and keep yourself motivated! Cheers

19 JAN 2018

Not long after waking up this morning I started burping, after a little while I started feeling cramps/pangs. So I think this might be one of my side effects, because I took the second one this morning.

Had half a banana for breakfast. Sipped my coffee throughout the morning. Cramps/pangs and burping was there all morning even though there were a few moments where I thought ‘maybe it’s gone.’

Was busy so ended up having cucumber sticks for lunch, well kind of nibbled on them from lunchtime. Had a few cherries, very delicious. Felt a bit hungry later so had some nuts and raisins. Checked water bottle and I was getting through it ok.

Ended up having an iced mocha from McDonald’s for afternoon tea. When friend suggested an iced coffee because of being so hot and we were getting a bit tired, I thought ‘actually that sounds really good’ but then thought ‘would that really be a good idea, is that what I really want to do?’ My answer was yes. I thought, well I haven’t overeaten today, I’ve been eating healthy, it would be a nice treat on a day like today. I did wonder what if we didn’t get one, thought I’d not push to get one. But when they decided to go I thought well if I’m going to have a treat I’m going to really enjoy it and asked for chocolate sauce on top. I enjoyed every sip/spoon of it as slowly as I could. I hadn’t had one in four years which made me think, I see the picture all the time and think ‘mmm that looks amazing’ and then move on. It was actually very refreshing as well as enjoyable which I was very pleased about because that was the purpose of getting it. I was worried that I may feel like ‘I need all chocolate and junk food from now on!’ But thankfully that didn’t happen.

Went for a 20min walk as soon as I got home, was very slow though because still got foot injury, only did 1.5km. Was just glad that I got out in the sun and did it. Burping still throughout the afternoon, got quite a bit worse for a little while, even embarrassing.

Had late dinner because wasn’t hungry. Thankfully hubby kept checking if I wanted anything and then reason kicked in and I thought I’d better actually eat something and maybe one I taste it I’ll realise I needed it. Had one egg omelette with courgettes and a bit of tomato & red onion. Added some periperi seasoning to the egg instead of salt to maybe give it a bit more flavour and that definitely worked. I had planned on putting just a few sprinklings of parmesan cheese on but forgot and ended up just getting into it, it tasted amazing and that’s when I realized I had forgotten the cheese but really didn’t need it, couldn’t believe how it still tasted so good without the cheese.

Having an herbal tea. Burping didn’t subside.

Thoughts: I do think the burping and cramps/pangs is a side effect because of it being on both the mornings I took one.

Feelings: I feel a bit bad for not eating more because I know the body still does need fuel to keep going but then thought why should I shove food in when it clearly doesn’t want it, isn’t that what one of the major problems is. At the same time though, I don’t feel too bad because when I get sick I eat like this even for a week or so after, ever since I got that really bad flu that lasted for six weeks, so I ended up eating like this for two months one part there.

Hi April. Thanks for that. You mentioned the first two days being ‘quite hungry for me’ I didn’t at all feel hungry but is that what the cramps/pangs are??

How much (or little) I had eaten on the first two days was on my mind and was feeling a bit guilty about that as you’ll see by today’s post. After reading your post and thinking about what I just posted, I’m thinking perhaps it’s just a matter of finding a balance of attitude?

This kind of contributes to why I thought I’d give blogging a go. First of all I thought I’d like to see what happens to my eating/food choices. Then I thought it would be interesting if I made notes of how I was feeling or what I was thinking and just see what comes of that. How I’ll feel looking over it at the end of the 30 days or maybe even after a few weeks, not really sure just yet but feel it could be of some benefit somewhere. Then I read someone’s thread on here and she only posted her first 3 days and that was from a few years ago so I thought blogging might give me more of a reason to continue writing down food, thoughts, feelings every day, because as I’m sure this is with most people, first few days of any goal go great, maybe even last a week or stretch to two but long run, hmm… and that isn’t just food, any goals, exercise, learning something, anything we think is amazing that we need/want to do, good start but starts to fade.

I want to last the 30 days and I’m hoping blogging will help me to reach that goal. Sorry but I decided a few days before starting that I’d like to try and not set a weight goal. It was because obviously I had been thinking about doing this but looking at other things too, I watched a clip on youtube on the few days before and it made sense to me how one girl put on weight (even though it was small) but looking at her photo you could clearly see she had physically gotten smaller. I felt that when I was quite active and eating reasonably well I focused so much on the scales that while I was noticeably getting smaller because the weight wasn’t going down I became disheartened and when I injured my ankle it really messed with my head and it was all downhill from there. So while it is just a clip on youtube because I felt that’s what happened to me, I thought I’d try to not focus on the scales and see what would happen. I feel it’s really helping knowing that I don’t have to weigh myself at the end of the week but just thinking more about what I’m doing (or not doing.) But in saying that, it’s not the end of the week yet, so…

I almost didn’t weigh myself on the first day but then decided to, just as a matter of recording the beginning and the end. After typing out this reply though I’m actually feeling a bit scared about weighing on the 30th day, I’m feeling like that number is going to mess with me, because I’m thinking as soon as I see the number I might instantly think, ‘oh I thought it might have been a bit lower than that’ than think ‘I’m so useless!’ but then, what if I lose a ridiculous amount of weight too, I think I’ll feel like I failed and I don’t know why but I just think I will. Wow! Now I’m hoping my attitude will improve too, I don’t think that’s good.

My goal I set at the beginning was just to last the 30 days but now I’d like to try and post for those 30 days, or at least continue to make some kind of record every day of what’s going on (so even if I end up posting two days in one entry.)

Now I’m thinking, I just want a whole lot more control, what I’m putting into my body, what’s going on with my thoughts, attitude and feelings. I really want to make the most of this opportunity but for a long term thing, I was even wondering if continuing to blog for another 30 days after these 30 days, maybe it might help to see what happens, side effects, thoughts, feelings etc.

Wow! This reply has really been an eye opener.

I woke up this morning thinking I want to say something about the weight thing.

10 years ago I lost 66lbs the healthy way. So obviously I have the knowledge somewhere of what to do.

I managed to maintain this, or close enough, I wouldn’t get overly concerned.

4 years ago my physio caused nerve damage in my foot, because he didn’t know what was happening he sent me to a specialist and they kept referring me to the next. I went through 4 and each one progressively made it worse. They all said to stay off it and it eventually got worse to the point where I was bed ridden. About two years ago I eventually made the drive back to my doctor from 10 years ago. He knew exactly what it was and has been helping me since with this.

After last nights reply post, I woke up this morning realizing that, while being bed ridden obviously sent me into a very dark hole it also warped my view towards food and weight.

Of course I started putting on the weight again. It was slowly at first but I thought, I’ve got this, I’ve lost way more, I can do this. I see now that that was the beginning of the yoyo dieting I’ve been doing over the past four years which has led me to where I am at now. The last year has been the worst and then December was even more depressing then I managed to put on 6.6lbs in the few weeks leading up to me starting this.

While I was given a one month of 30mg and a one month refill, I only really want to do the 30 days taking one every second day.

After typing this out I know now that somewhere I have the knowledge of what to do healthily but just can’t seem to figure it out and now I know it’s because I developed a warped view.

When I started blogging I thought, I’m not really going to pay attention if anyone posts something I just need to carry on making notes but that reply has brought to my attention so many things I’m not sure I would have realised otherwise.

Feeling like this is maybe what happens in therapy sessions

Thanks. Have a good day.

20 JAN 2018

Wow! First morning waking up without burping. No cramps/pangs either. Will see how rest of the day goes. Had a great sleep too.

Put in effort this morning to have a bit more for breakfast even though not hungry. Had omelette with spinach, tomato and onion. Very yummy, satisfying and enjoyed it.

First day back to work, the problem is, I work in a café that makes all their own food and it is all amazingly delicious, was a bit concerned about that. I took a banana and nuts & raisins for snacks, just small stuff I could nibble on while still working if I got peckish. They normally give staff lunch and sometimes it’s healthy but a lot of times can be quite heavy and sauces usually made out of cream with spices added.

Arrived at work, had an espresso coffee which is usually quite filling anyway and yes, it did the trick. Just had to keep on top of the water.

Had a small smoothie for lunch. Banana, mixed berries, spinach, beetroot, yoghurt & milk. Shared between the staff.

Just as I finished work some friends turned up to have a nibble. Had a coffee with them but felt sick, was too much and wish I hadn’t have had it, will try to remember for next time.

Went to the gym, did 30min on bike. Much easier to just walk around the block but because foot really hurt after being on it for work, got to look for other ways. Don’t particularly like being on the bike in the gym, especially on beautiful summer days but as hubby always tells me, it’s better than nothing.

Went to friends place for dinner. Had lamb curry and broccoli salad. It was real curry made by some Indian friends, they don’t put cream or coconut cream in their curries unless specifically making butter chicken, just the spices and tenderised meat, yum!

It was weird however at desert time. I was full and didn’t feel like anything, the deserts they had was nothing that I would normally like anyway, really nice but I’m more of a chocolate or caramel type of desert person so thankfully nothing like that was there, but the weird thing was, I just wanted to join in the munching and the tasting of the food with everyone else, not everyone had desert but most did and I just wanted to join in with them, the urge was extremely strong and I felt I had to use more self-control at that time than I have in the past few days, the only thing that really held me back was that as well as already having started this, I would be putting into my body food that I neither wanted nor enjoyed and definitely didn’t need. How crazy is that?! The sad thing is if I hadn’t started this, I probably would have joined in.

Thankfully made it home without touching another morsel and enjoyed a sparkling water when I got home which is what I should have actually taken to the evening because there was no cold water drinks there just fizzies and alcohol so I was drinking tap water the whole evening which wasn’t that great.

Feelings: So happy no burping or cramps/pangs the whole day. Apart from no appetite, things kind of feel normal. Will see how tomorrow goes when I take another one though.

21 JAN 2018


Yes! No burping or cramps/pangs! Had a good sleep.

Started off with half a banana and a coffee. Was supposed to make something else for breakfast but got busy and didn’t have time. Ended up grabbing a handful of nuts & raisins.

Made another coffee but didn’t end up drinking it, eventually had two corn thins with peanut butter.

Went to the gym. Planned to do 10min on bike, but could only do 9min because foot started to really hurt. Thought that’s fine, I should probably do some sit ups anyway, only did 3 because tail bone was starting to hurt. Really depressing, why did I even bother to try. Went to weighted sit up machine, managed to do 40. Better than nothing I guess.

Started thinking about protein powder because I can feel I’m not giving my body enough. Googled some stuff. Too much information. Reluctantly made a smoothie. Spinach, half banana, yoghurt, milk, cacao powder, linseed, dates.

Actually got hungry this evening, like real hunger. Couldn’t believe it. One 30mg usually lasts me two days and now I’m struggling on the first day. Hmmmm…

Eventually got around to making me an omelette with spinach, tomato, onion and splashed out and had some cheese with it too.

Once again, finishing off with an herbal tea.

Thoughts: What’s wrong with me? I’m not getting hardly any of the normal side effects everyone else is getting. The little amount of side effects I got only lasted the first 3 days. And normally one 30mg would last me two days, now I’m experiencing real hunger on the first day of taking the 3rd one. The only two things I can think of is, 1. I got given rubbish pills from the pharmacy or 2. I’m a natural druggie and my body has just gobbled it all up.

How I love reading your blog and seeing the changes that it helps you make. It really does look like therapy for you, and I am so happy that you decided to start writing it. The exercising… do you realize even what a strong willpower you have? You couldn’t do one exercise, so you tried until you found one that you could do and did it. That deserves applause!

As for the lower Duromine effect. Well, the fact that the side effects only lasted for 3 days is quite a normal thing. Some people don’t get any of these at all. As for the appetite suppression… the fact that the action wears off quicker doesn’t mean that you are a natural druggy =)) it just does. BUT it seems to me that you are not eating enough… still… if we keep in mind the fact that Duromine does boost your fat loss and provides some good metabolism boosting effects AND that you also exercise which also boosts the metabolism, AND eat too little foods (you’re right about the low protein content of your menu), your body has all the right to be hungry… btw, don’t forget about the water – dehydration can raise ravenous appetite.

Ok, I know that you know yourself pretty much everything about the weight loss (AMAZING RESULT!), but I thought that may be my ideas could remind you of something. Thus helping you adjust something =)) Have a great day and keep up the great job!

22nd JAN 2018

Visitors coming to stay for a few nights so had to get things organized.

Breakfast was good, banana, blueberries, walnuts and yoghurt.

Was full on with cleaning etc, just had two corn thins with peanut butter on them and a coffee.

Did not realize how late it was, hadn’t eaten all day. Ended up having subway for dinner. Didn’t at all feel guilty because had been sweating most of the day, not just because of how full on the day was but also thanks to the hot humid weather and still had quite a bit more to do before they arrived.

Made some profiteroles for supper, they enjoyed it and I managed to not taste a single morsel. #proudmoment

23rd JAN 2018

Busy morning, tried to have a banana with my coffee but that was so gross only managed to have a bite.

Had loads of emails to send out so grabbed some nuts & raisins and got started.

Didn’t notice the time, ended up having a banana, strawberry, yoghurt and milk smoothie. Was so yummy, hadn’t made that before.

Visitors wanted to go out for dinner so went to an Asian restaurant. We got meals to share so just ate the meat and vegetables from the dishes, yes there were some sauces and spices but wasn’t going to fret over it especially because it was hard enough just eating out. Again, it wasn’t that I was hungry either, I just wanted to join in with the enjoyment they were having with all they were eating. It’s not easy having visitors and not joining in with the glass of wine etc.

But, I made it through another night.

Been a while. Have still been making notes on my phone, well, just trying to remember to write down what I ate. I don’t think I have ever been as busy as I was in the last week, even running out of time to eat. A few times I thought, am I really not going to get time to eat. One day I had had corn thins with peanut butter around lunchtime, only as a snack and meant to have lunch but didn’t end up eating until about 8pm and that was only because I quickly threw some chicken and salad in a bowl and ate while we were driving. Not the best week regarding my food intake or lack thereof. Had a good few days over the weekend but that was mostly because we were with friends, even managing to have a treat.

24 Jan*

Coffee and smoothie for brekky. Strawberry, banana, yoghurt, milk and carrot.

Lunch was salads and meat. Salads had dressings but didn’t make an issue of it as we were eating at friends place. Was nice and filling anyway.

Nuts & raisins for afternoon tea.

Dinner, coleslaw with yoghurt instead of dressing and chicken.

25 Jan

Coffee & ½ small muffin. Banana, blueberry, yoghurt, coconut sugar etc

2 corn thins with peanut butter & coffee.

Coleslaw, yoghurt and chicken.

26 Jan*

Coffee & smoothie. Strawberry, banana, carrot, yoghurt, milk.

Coffee & plums.

Porridge. First time I felt like something a bit heavier, thought I’m going to go for it while I can. Think it was mostly because I’d hardly had anything for the past few days, either way, I really enjoyed it.

27 Jan

½ Mocha & banana for brekky.

Nuts & raisins, morning tea. Few mouthfuls of smoothie, even though was healthy, was yuck, didn’t finish it off.

Work made me a corned beef hash brown with scrambled eggs and hollandaise sauce and a salad, didn’t actually wanted it but they just gave it to me so called hubby to come and eat half. Didn’t get a sore stomach so that was good, that’s what I was more worried about.

Visited friends and had some watermelon for afternoon tea.

Did 31 mins, 4.3k on rower.

Went to friends place for dinner and didn’t have time to make anything, normally I make salads not this time. Only had time to pick up some pizzas. One of my friends is gluten free so got a gluten free base margherita pizza which I like. Smelt so good in the car so thought I’m definitely having a piece, maybe two pieces but no more than that. Was so glad to see salad on the table. Had drumstick piece of chicken, loads of salad which had avocado in it and thankfully only managed to fit in one piece of pizza, even though my eyes really wanted another one.

28 Jan

Banana, blueberries, yoghurt and walnuts for brekky.

Lunch, coffee with toast and peanut butter.

Plum for afternoon tea.

Dinner was at friends and was late so felt like a little something. Had 3 crackers with pickle and cheese, was quite yummy. If I wasn’t thinking about what I was eating probably would have eaten another 10, lol.

Ended up having a late dinner and actually felt hungry, had 2 chicken nibbles, salad with feta & cashews and a small piece of garlic bread, maybe about two mouthfuls, again, if I wasn’t thinking about what I was eating I could have had two pieces easily and they were huge pieces because it was made using a ciabatta loaf.

Had some dessert, mostly because my eyes got the better of me but made sure to enjoy it anyway. 2 profiteroles, piece white chocolate with nuts, lots of mango.

29 Jan

Brekky. Half banana, herbal tea, nuts & raisins.

Lunch. Coffee, strawberries and yoghurt in waffle cone.

Dinner. Salad, yoghurt, chicken.

Milo for supper, feeling like just needed something.

Glad to see that you’re still going and monitoring your nutrition. Your willpower deserves applause! Looks like you like to socialize, and I know that it’s really difficult to stick to the plan when there are so many delicacies around you. But you’re doing great with self-control. Having such a busy week, you did not manage to exercise as you wanted, right? I only saw once… I am sure though that with all your high activity levels, you managed to burn quite some calories. =)

Did you do any measuring? Do you enjoy the self control? =)

Wow!! That was the most full on two weeks I think I have ever had in my life. As well as dinner with friends which we had arranged ages ago, there were two funerals and three lots of different visitors who came to stay. Pretty sure I was running on adrenaline because it sure wasn’t food because I barely had time for that. Looking at my notes, I only took one 30mg for a whole week, but in saying that not only was it full on but it was also that time of the month, so all contributed to me eating a whole lot less than I should have. I know it definitely was not a healthy eating week but if I haven’t got time then I just don’t and I was actually hungry a few times there too, but also a lot of organizing for funerals. One time I said to hubby ‘I’m not going to end up anorexic aye, because I love food too much aye?’ I was concerned because I hadn’t hardly had anything for a few days in a row. Then we stayed up to watch super blue red moon so that’s when the chocs and grainwaves came in, midnight snack and think I had only had fruit that day. Didn’t feel like I had done anything particularly bad and was able to stop when I had had enough so was quite pleased/surprised with that.

Found one of my flip switches on Sunday. Hot chocolate, not just any hot chocolate but its Belgium chocolate in milk over a flame. I think it’s because there was so much chocolate in there and while I felt satisfied after drinking a 1/3 there’s no way I’m going to leave that there especially when it’s also so expensive! Only went there because wanted to treat visitors because I knew they loved chocolate and we just happened to be in the area. I think I only go there once or twice a year, only once last year so thought, why not have a treat myself. The other thing though which contributed to this chocolate switch was our visitors left behind their packet of macaroon biscuits, which normally wouldn’t be an issue, because they were there the night before and didn’t feel tempted at all, but after that rich hot chocolate I just couldn’t do it anymore and just ate some, I thought three was being generous but not, went back for another three and then another three but was surprised when I couldn’t eat the last two. Not a proud moment but just kept thinking as long as I don’t give up the next day, I should be able to just let it go. I think though, if I had have put the macaroons in the fridge straight away it may not have happened but because I didn’t, and I have no idea why I didn’t, my eyes would constantly glance over at them.

Monday morning, slept in until 10am, was amazing! Didn’t have to be anywhere or do anything. Still a bit of a chocolate after affect Monday night, 6 pieces short of a whole bar, was my favourite and enjoyed every piece of it. I know it’s not good but if I am going to eat something like that I’m going to make sure I enjoy it instead of eating it and feeling guilty, that’s just a waste not enjoying it, may as well not eat it. I wasn’t sure if I would make it through the whole month without my fav bar of chocolate but I do feel if I didn’t have that hot chocolate on Sunday I likely could have made it.

If I didn’t publicly make the goal of trying to make notes everyday of at least what I was eating, I probably wouldn’t even have thought about it over this hectic period and I wouldn’t have been aware of how little I had eaten.

30 JAN

Peach, plum, banana, yoghurt

Nuts & raisins

Salad, yoghurt, bacon

31 JAN

Nuts & raisins

Banana, plums, yoghurt

Blueberries, yoghurt, waffle

Rock melon

2 chocolates, ½ pkt grain waves

1 FEB

Coffee x2

Watermelon, coconut bun, salad

Corn thins, peanut butter

Chicken, luau, chop suey, taro, salad

2 FEB*

Blueberries, banana, yoghurt

Coffee, watermelon, nuts & raisins

Strawberries, banana, lettuce, yoghurt, milk

Lettuce, tomato, vege quiche

3 FEB

Banana, nuts, coffee

Chicken, egg & bacon salad with wedges

Beer

Chicken, salad, kumara, pumpkin

4 FEB

Blueberries, banana, nuts & yoghurt, coffee

Subway

Hot choc, tasted some waffles

Tasted a slice

7 macaroons, ½ pkt chips, 3 beers

5 FEB

Coffee, blueberries, banana, yoghurt, nuts

20min rower, about 2.6km I think

Salad, vege quiche

Almost a whole block of chocolate

Hello. Glad that you keep “working” with your food diary. May be you should make your lunches richer… this might help you avoid falling into sweet temptations in the evening. You see, many slimmers do this mistake (I am one of them) =) We consider what we ate during the day and think that we ate very little food, so we can easily have a couple of evening treats. This might hinder the weight loss and the process of developing healthy eating habits. I am not criticizing, just suggesting. All in all, I have a feeling that you feel very comfortable and think a lot about what you eat and how you feel about it. It takes a lot of focus and concentration. Great job! Have a great new week!

6 FEB*

Had a nice sleep in. Coffee then later on blueberries, banana, yoghurt, walnuts, almonds. Couldn’t finish off brekky. Just stopped when I couldn’t fit anymore in. Tried to save for later but just didn’t feel like it. Hubby ended up finishing it off for me.

Cucumber stix, toast with peanut butter

Meat loaf, peas, mashed potatoes. Sounds heaps but I only had about one tablespoon or less of mashed potatoes. Mostly had peas. Was trying to be polite as ended up eating at friends place, was there dropping something off.

Again, ended up eating at friends place because dropping something off. Had pasta salad and piece pita garlic bread. Was all quite a bit heavy but only had a little bit of pasta, mostly tried to discreetly get most of the veges. For desert had stewed plum with bit of cream, friend so kindly served up for me. Had two glasses of wine.

Thoughts: Could have happily had a salad and meat today instead of meals but ate to be with friends and be polite. Food not really appetizing to me today, basically when I’ve had enough I just automatically stop. Quite weird really but I am starting to get used to it.

Feelings: Felt a bit scared today, how I just stop eating, I don’t want to end up with an eating disorder. I don’t think that could possibly happen being as I love food so much and I’ve only lost my appetite for now but just felt that way because of not really feeling like eating so much today. I’m sure I’ll be fine but just had that feeling today so thought I would make note of it.

7 FEB

Blueberries, banana, yoghurt, nuts

Coffee. I did plan on having sushi for lunch but when I went to get I realized I didn’t actually feel like it. I did see these vege balls that I wanted but then they said they had combined it with fish paste, I don’t eat that, so went without.

Blueberries, yoghurt, waffle. Only had it because was with friends. Normally I enjoy it but wanted to throw it away after eating half. I didn’t feel like, wasn’t hungry and already felt full up.

Katsu chicken, tomato. I know this sounds little but wasn’t even hungry, just knew I should eat something, so I did.

8 FEB

Blueberries, banana, yoghurt, nuts

Corn thins, peanut butter. Again, only meant to be a snack but didn’t end up having anything else.

Egg omelette, tomatoes, spring onion, courgettes, cheese

5pc Lindt Chocs. Totally got sucked into this. Easily said no to the chocs even though they were my favourites, wasn’t even tempted. Sadly though, hubby opened his and decided because it was melted he no longer wanted it. I thought that’s fine I’ll put it in the fridge, but on the way home the smell got the better of me, I tasted it and it was all downhill from there. Weirdest thing ever though, I felt really really sick after it, I think that’s because it was about 9.30pm and if I had planned to eat it I would have done way earlier in the day. Also, apart from the fact that I haven’t eaten such rich food for a few weeks.

Feelings: Felt so tired in the late afternoon, could barely keep my eyes open around 7pm but being as we were out, pushed through it.

Hi. How is your mood these days? Do you feel ok, I mean cheerful..

As for food… looks like you need to concentrate on your meals in the first part of the day. You barely eat anything. About feeling sick from chocolate. In my personal experience… when I got off sugar, I almost always feel sick now when I have something sweet. Even when I know that I want chocolate very very much and think of it, I feel sick. Of course, I end up having something sweet at times, but I do it veeeery rarely. May be that’s what is happening with you as well? I never though that I wouldn’t want to have a piece of cake… but I don’t most of times.

I wish you a nice, positive and active weekend!